


What If

by ZoeNoDots



Series: questions [1]
Category: Victorious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 08:32:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5410085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeNoDots/pseuds/ZoeNoDots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade West wondered sometimes. What would happen. If.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What If

**Author's Note:**

> I'm new to the fandom and watched all 4 seasons in like, a blink of an eye. This is my first fic I've ever published, so idk, be nice or whatever. Leave kudos or comments or don't, but please enjoy!

Jade West wondered sometimes. What would happen. If.

If she just up and left Beck. With no explanation, because she could. Because she wanted to. (Sometimes.) Because she got bored at times, when it was just them. He'd smile at her and she'd manage to smile back, manage to force herself. She was scared in those moments. What if being _them_ just wasn't enough in the future? What if it wasn't enough now?

So she wondered what would happen if, one day, she woke up and just decided she was done with pretending, with deceiving, with acting, and lying to everyone. (Secrets.) If she would cut the crap and just be honest, if only for just that one day (one hour, one minute, one moment). If that day would change everything or destroy everything, and if that really was so different.

Because Jade had a crush.

To her it wasn't such a big deal, really. She had accepted it fairly quickly. She had a thing for Tori Vega, simple as that. Except it wasn't simple at all, since getting over her had proven to be more difficult than anticipated. Her usual defence of aggressive offence didn't work since Tori not only shared mutual friends with Jade, but also hung out with the exact same group of people. And every person of said group liked Tori a lot. And for some reason, a reason Jade didn't, couldn't understand, Tori still wanted to be her friend, even after all the horrible, terrible things Jade had said and done. (And Jade liked that.) So, Jade was forced to strengthen her defence (offence), and lash out at Tori with more fury, rudeness and negativity, while at the same time harbouring a little crush on her without anyone finding out. No big deal. She'd get over it. Eventually.

(She didn't.)

Which left Jade staring at Tori when nobody was looking, wondering about her. What she'd feel like under her fingertips, what she'd taste like on her tongue, what she'd sound like whispering her name. What that'd be like. If.

If she held Tori's hand instead of Beck's while walking down the halls of Hollywood Arts. If she sought out Tori's brown eyes instead of Beck's. If she gave Tori rides home instead of having Beck drive her to his place. If she smiled, actually, genuinely smiled, at Tori instead of Beck. If Jade was Tori's instead of Beck's.

And everytime, before Jade could decide if she really wanted to find out, something would bring her back to reality. It could be Cat asking her a random question about how the order of the alphabet actually came to be, it could be Rex making a sexist comment, it could be Robbie trying to get Rex to shut up. It could be André humming a new tune he was working on, it could be Beck nudging her to get her attention. Sometimes it was Tori herself who caught Jade staring at her, and just stared back. (Jade _always_ looked away first.)

In these moments, when she felt reality hitting her, slapping her across the face, with an intensity only reality has, she closed her eyes, held her breath, and let it sink in. After that, she'd breathe and gave what her current situation demanded. A weird look for Cat, a comeback for Rex, a threat for Robbie. An appreciative glance for André, a reassuring smile for Beck. And Tori, she ignored.

...

Jade wasn't above admitting to herself that she was a coward. She was very aware of that. In fact, she made sure to always confront her feelings, if only to know how to control them, use them. (Keep them hidden.) But at the same time she didn't know if not being a coward was a risk worth taking. Because she knew she loved Beck. She did, very much so. She just wasn't so sure about being _in love_ with Beck anymore. What did that even mean, anyway? Being in love?

She used to know, used to be sure, certain. When she looked into his brown eyes, seeing his smile there. When he held her hand just because he could, because he wanted to. When he kissed her like he needed to, like she just turned into oxygen and he was short out of breath. When he ran his hand across her skin when he thought she was still asleep. And in a way she still was in love. With his warmth and security. With his familiarity. But did that also mean she was still in love with _him_?

When her doubts got too much and she felt like she was haunted by them, drowned by them, she went to find him, grab him, pull him somewhere quiet, dark and desolate, away from everybody else. (The janitor's closet, that one restroom noone used, his RV.) In those moments she kissed him hard, neediness evident and obviously shown in the way she marked his neck, scratched his back, bit his lip. She shoved him against a wall, let him pull her closer, closer, closer, until they were skin on skin, breathing each other in and out. Overwhelmed with want and desire. Lust. (Need.) She fucked him, or got fucked by him, whatever, just to feel the closeness she needed to feel with him. This absolute assurance that he was there, with her. Afterwards they were lying close together, face to face, her arms between them and his arm draped over her body. She could count his eyelashes, see the different shades of brown in his eyes, feel his breath on her face. He was smiling blissfully, all content and happy just to be with her, and she felt the same. _In love_.

And later (a few minutes, an hour, a day, a weekend) Jade was at school again, standing at her locker, content and sure about her situation. She loved Beck Oliver. She was _in love_ with Beck Oliver. Then, she glanced over to see Tori standing at her locker, catching her brown eyes for a split second before she looked away. And Jade stopped. Stared. Closed her eyes, held her breath, let it sink in. Then she breathed, and wondered. What would happen. If.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I slightly edited it for the next part, nothing too major though. Hope you still enjoyed!


End file.
